Two months ago I was diagnosed with Dense Deposit Disease, something that has changed my life forever. December and January felt like an entire year, and time still seems to slowly pass. Every day seems to be a new challenge to stay positive and look forward. It is hard to believe that about two months ago I was diagnosed with DDD; I feel like I have cried enough for a whole year! The weeks following my diagnosis were very difficult, and somewhere between crying, researching more about DDD and trying to accept this life change, I had to pull together strength to study for my finals and go home for break.
Finals week was pretty challenging for me. Thank goodness we only had two finals to tackle, but school was the last thing I wanted to think about. I debated emailing my professor to ask if I could push my final back, but something inside me was saying, “Just finish your finals and be done with it.” I knew that after my last final I would be home free with one less worry on my mind. Although learning about the care for patients with burns and cold injuries was interesting, I didn’t have the energy to do it. Thanks to the encouragement of a few of my nursing classmates and friends, I somehow managed to finish the semester with two A’s and a B+.
My kidney doctor here in Boise put me in contact with a doctor that he wants me to go see soon. His name is Dr. Smith and he is a doctor who is researching DDD at the University of Iowa. My contact with him and his family has been an amazing experience. He has a son who is also in nursing school, and a daughter who also has DDD. She is 25, a twin, and was diagnosed at age 6. Her twin does not have DDD. We are at very different stages of this disease; She has been on dialysis for 17 years after a failed kidney transplant when she was young. She and I have been emailing back and forth for a while now and it makes me realize how small of a world we live in, and how some things are just unexplainable! Her name is Jenna, and she goes to the University of Oregon, the school my little sister goes to. I find each of Jenna’s emails to be very inspirational. She takes everything lightly, giving me a little advice about how to cope with this disease.
At first I found it very difficult to talk to people about my condition. When people would ask me how I was doing, I wanted to say I was okay, but sometimes tears would just start pouring out. At times I would purposefully ignore people, even my closest friends, just to avoid talking about what had been going on. I knew that ignoring my friends and being a hermit were not good for me! Eventually I was able to talk freely about it but I felt that every time I was asked about it, I was constantly reminded of it all. I apologize to everyone whom I ignored and thank you all for understanding.
Tawni (Rio’s Mom), her sister Trina, their mother Sheila, and their friend Lesley put together the most wonderful fundraiser so my Dad and I can see Dr. Smith in Iowa. Clearwater Spa, owned by Tawni and Sheila, is a day spa located on Broadway in Boise. On January 28th and 29th, people scheduled all sorts of treatments! Facials, massages, pedicures, and more! It was a weekend full of old friends, new friends, family, hope, love and laughter. My sisters even drove from Portland to surprise me at the fundraiser! Even though I only got to see them for a few hours, I am so happy they made the trip for me. I had no idea they were coming! One hundred percent of proceeds are going towards my medical expenses and travel to Iowa. Trina used her frequent flyer miles to help buy our tickets to Iowa. There, I will be seen by two nephrologists and hopefully get most of my questions answered. I am so anxious to start feeling better and to know how my body is reacting to my disease. They’re already working on my genetic testing and all other sorts of fancy lab work! Just thinking about what Tawni and her family have done for me makes my eyes tear up, and I realize how blessed I am to have this family in my life. It all started when I met Tawni in my chemistry class a few of years ago. Somehow we managed to be assigned to the same clinical groups from that time on and we became close friends!
The amount of gifts I’ve been blessed with during this challenging time is unbelievable. I cannot express my gratitude for all of the nice words and thoughts that have been sent my way within the past two months. Strangers have told me that I’m on their church prayer list and have donated money. People I haven’t spoken to in years wrote me messages and friends I met on my trips abroad reached out to me. Every message, email, letter, phone call, and text I received brightened my day more than anyone can imagine. My nursing class has been overly A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and supportive as always. This also includes my current and past professors who show concern for me. My family, especially my sisters, are my best friends and have been wonderful. Rio has been there for my good days and bad ones. Goodness.. there are a million and a half people I want to say thank you to… and I am so far behind!
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| My friends are so supportive... They know how much I love ostriches! (Thank you Erica, Beth and Jason!) |
I have so many people to thank for getting me through this Christmas break, the hardest part for me, but my friend Katy Hassler said something that really stood out to me. I was her RA last year in the dorms and we were always encouraging each other to do well in school. She is a pre-nursing student, so I knew exactly what she has been going through! Katy wrote me a message saying, “You will get through this and God chose you as such a great person of strength.” – I had never really thought about it like this before. A question I continuously asked myself was “Why me?... I am supposed to be healthy”. But after reading Katy’s message I was reminded that God has plans for us that challenge us and that he would never put me through something I could not get through without his help.
Tomorrow, February 16th, 2012, my Dad and I leave for Iowa to see Dr. Smith and Dr. Thomas. I have countless concerns and a list full of questions! Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, donations, hugs, smiles, and friendships, new and old. Without the support of everyone, especially Tawni and her family, this trip wouldn’t be possible. I love you all.
I’m ending this very scatterbrained blog with a quote that has helped me through this time. It’s from Jason Mraz’s song, ‘The Remedy’, and helps me smile:
“You can turn off the sun… But I'm still gonna shine!”
